A torrets sufferer goes for a job interview as a pianist at a hotel bar
"I've come about the f'in b'stard job ya fat c*nt", he said to the manager
The manager is stunned but as he has had no other applicants decides to give the guy a go and asks him to play some music. The man starts playing the most amazing sweet sound.
"Whats that called?" asked the manager
"I wrote it myself", started the man, "it's called 'go f*k ya muva'"
The manager is lost for words so the man starts to play again.
"Whats this one called?" asked the manager
"I wrote this too", started the man, "it's called 'I sh*gged ya sister an ya f'in aunt'"
The manager is white with stress, but has no choice but to employ the man
"I'll give you the job", he started, "But you must promise NOT to talk to any of the punters"
The man agrees and that night he sits at the piano and plays.
After about 10 minutes the room starts to fill up, then a stunning young woman walks in and sits right in his line of sight. She has a low cut top and he can see right up her skirt.
After about 5 minutes of gazing at the woman he decides enough is enough and rushes out to the gents for a quick "barclays".
Seeing his bar fill up and no music playing the manager goes looking for the pianist. Bursting into the gents he screams for the man to get back on stage.
The pianist rushes back out on stage, but in the rush, forgets to put his bits away.
He starts playing again and after just a few minutes he notices the woman gazing deeply at him constantly. For about 10 minutes her eyes are fixed on him.
Eventually she went over to the pianist and in a soft voice she said, "Do you know your kn*b is hanging out and you got sp*nk running down your trouser leg?"
"Know em?", started the pianist, "I f'in wrote em!"
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